The real reason I hate work

Is because I really love my work. I do love my job at EKU. I also completely enjoy working at Mike's Hike and Bike. When I work, I really want to give full effort and energy to my work. It is very frustrating to me that I can not do that because I have those two cute babies that need and want their momma.

Sometimes I just wish they didn't need their momma so much so I could focus and complete some other tasks. I know this is selfish, but heck I'm human and I am selfish. I just want time to do my own thing and be who I want to be without being relegated to taking care of the whims and needs of a 2-year-old and 7 month-old. Sometimes it's the little one that drives me crazy by being too demanding and sometimes it's the older one.

I think this is just the struggle that many working women feel. We love our kids and want to be with them, and at the same time we love/like our work and feel important there. I guess I'm just not cut out for this full-time split personality thing. I have a really hard time not resenting the job for taking me away from my kids and my kids from taking me away from my work. I'm hoping to eventually be able to convince my supervisors at EKU that I deserve to work part-time, but with benefits. I'm not so sure they're ever going to go for it, but I have to keep hoping that I will be able to have some work that I enjoy (and gives benefits that we need) and have plenty of time with my kids to home school and just in general be a part of their lives.

I can really tell a big difference in my relationship with Morgan since I'm not working this summer (I've been to the office several times already, and to the store at least a couple of days per week). I feel much more connected with her and can avert major tantrums and meltdowns just by knowing what is causing the problem. Of course, sometimes I don't know the problem, or I am busy trying to keep Kenna from eating the power cord to the fan, or I'm just so darn tired of averting the meltdowns that I can't avert the issue with Morgan, but I definitely feel much more connected and like we're back in sync again.

I'm so not looking forward to going back to work full time in the fall.